Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
