I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
