so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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