he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
