She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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