that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
