why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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