SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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