I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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