just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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