How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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