Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
