Don't you send me to vm
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
