There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
