So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
