holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
