mondays should just be called national damage control day
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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