they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
