My friends, they love my intelligence
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
