I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
