We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
