i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
