I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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