M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
