ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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