Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
