since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Randomize
