Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
