She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
