I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
