I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
