Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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