i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
