Do you still have your period?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
