i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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