you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
