the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
