I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
