I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I fill condoms, not promises.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
