and next time when you feel me up, do it right
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
