OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
