I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
