He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he puts the penis in happiness.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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