Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
