like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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