how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
