paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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