I'm drive I can fine osifer
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
