i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
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