I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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