i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize