yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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