i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
