this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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