There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
