His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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