dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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