my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
