right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize