I think I died a long time ago.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
