So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
