Say something about gay babies.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
