Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The feeling are messing with the penis
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
