she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
