i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
