yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize