No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Randomize
