Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
