did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Randomize
