My room smells like vodka and shame
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
They have beer where we have blood.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
