if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
