I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
