You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
