she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize